The Stanley Cup Madness Needs to Stop
It's the end of days
In journalism, there are times when an editorial is so important that the entire newspaper puts their reputation on the line to stand behind it. No one singles themself out as the author. We’ve never written a joint post where we didn’t delineate our opinions, but today’s piece transcends that decision.
We are a united front, so this is from both of us.
As a caveat, we don’t always make the best financial decisions (see also: Save Karyn, Bitter Is the New Black) and we are no strangers to spending money on frivolous treats for ourselves. We literally wrote the books on what not to do, and if our recent TikTok Shop purchases are any indication, we still don’t always get it right.
But by God, we will not buy into this Stanley cup nonsense.
In case you live under a rock, people are going bananas for a $50 insulated tumbler by Stanley. Yes, Stanley, as in the same people who made your dad’s thermos. A limited edition red one came out at Target last week and people camped out for it, meaning THEY VOLUNTARILY SLEPT ON THE SIDEWALK FOR A CUP. And once the store opened, they got into fights while trying to get their hands on one of these unsightly things.
Yes, we said it. Stanley cups are ugly. We don’t care if they come in every color. They look like something your crusty old math teacher sipped stale coffee from before telling you numbers aren’t your forté.
Why all the hoopla? Apparently they keep your beverage hot or cold for days. But do we really need our beverage kept hot or cold for that long? No. (When in your life did you want your latte to stay hot for three days if you live indoors?) We only require our beverage remain hot or cold for a couple of hours, tops. And may we say, as experienced water fans and people who frequently put down 75 ounces a day, room temp is where it’s at. The only water that should be chilled is sparkling.
Consider becoming a paid subscriber. We won’t spend it on Stanley cups.
Were we impressed when there was still ice left in the Stanley cup after that car went up in flames? Sure. But how often is a conflagration a factor in your daily commute? Also, this is what you look like carrying the big one:
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But the thing that really gets us about Stanley cups is that people aren’t happy having just one, or two, or even a small handful. Oh, no. They have to have a gajillion of them and line them all up on their shelves like trophies. Except they haven’t won anything. All they’ve done is spend the equivalent of a down payment on a house on water tumblers. Like this lady:
This is just a portion of her collection, and we did the math. By our estimation, her horde of cups ran her about $20K. If she'd invested that $20K into an S&P fund with an expected growth rate of about 10%, she'd have $350K in 30 years. (She could’ve also invested in some home renovations, but we don’t want to be judgey.) To further that math, if after 30 years, she invested that $350K in a home that she used as a rental property, in twenty more years, with the average 3.5% home value growth, that initial $20K would be worth $700K and she’d have had twenty years of rental income and tax benefits, plus a house free and clear. And, she’d be able to write off insurance, maintenance, depreciation, property taxes, etc., and she’d avoid FICA tax. (Sounds like numbers are our forté, crusty old math teacher.)
YOU DON’T BUILD GENERATIONAL WEALTH THROUGH PLASTIC SIPPY CUPS, DUMMY.